


Beacon

by Spirk_it_up



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Depression, Eventual Spirk, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-26 07:21:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1679684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spirk_it_up/pseuds/Spirk_it_up
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock is his own worst enemy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic.  
> Hope you enjoy!

They were small at first. Precise and organized in such a way that Spock knew would never be enough. He was half human after all, and he supposed they appealed to his human side more than anything.  
Even as he did it he tried to remain as logical and stoic as possible. To retain a shred of dignity despite the shame the act he was committing would bring to his Vulcan heritage.  
He knew the exact moment when he lost complete control. One minute the blade was held firmly between his thumb and forefinger and the next it was sticking out of his wrist like a monument he had resurrected in memory of his respectability.  
He just stared at the blade for a moment. Stared at his reflection in the metal and watching green blood seep out of the wound, acting as an ever present reminder to who and what he was dishonoring.  
He removed the blade with the intention of bandaging the cut but once he had seen the way the cut opened to reveal more of himself than any other had before, he had been caught up in it. The one cut soon turned into 7 and by that point he was shaking.  
Shaking partially with the relief the chaotic state of his wrist had brought him and partially with the shame and remorse that filled him. 

^^^^^  
Spock had known they would come back. He had known but it had not quenched the illogical hope that filled him when he went another day without their insults.  
“Spock” Stonn said, coming up behind him  
Spock turned around and stood as tall as possible in front of the three Vulcans.  
“I presume you have prepared new insults for today” He said.  
It wasn't the first time he had said this, and it was likely not to be the last.  
“Actually, I believe that physical stimulation would be adequate replacement to our usual conversation”  
He always called it a conversation, like it was between to friends rather than two enemies. Spock had also suspected that that physical stimulation would likely become a part of their ‘conversation’ sooner or later, but he was anxious no the less.  
Stonn looked him up and down before turning on his heels walking towards the exit of the class room.  
“Follow me” he called over his shoulder. Not bothering to make sure Spock complied.  
The exited the class room and Spock walked precisely 5 steps behind Stonn and his friends, so they didn't cause the other students to ask questions.  
They walked for 1.35 minutes before stopping in front of what appeared to be a storage closet. One of Stonn’s friends opened the door and pushed Spock in first, the others following. Once inside, they locked the door, and Spock turned around to face them  
“You are half human and therefore of a lesser status than any full Vulcan, I have decided to take it upon myself to remind you of your place in this society. Kneel”  
Spock complied, suppressing the feeling of nervousness rising in his stomach.  
He looked up at Stonn, knowing exactly what was to happen, but illogically wishing he might be wrong. He wasn't. Stonn barley spared a glance in his direction before undoing his trouser and bulling his robes back to reveal his cock, long and thick, and to Spock, more terrifying then an angry sehlat.  
“Suck Hybrid” Stonn commanded  
So he did.  
^^^^^  
Spock knew he had made a grave mistake by making that 8th cut. The blood had been flowing continuously since. He had a decision to make. He could either seek medical attention, which was the most logical but not desired. If they knew, they would see him for what he was, a worthless hybrid, nothing more than an object to be used by Stonn and many others over the years. No matter his rank of First officer, he was still a dirty hybrid. Worthless.  
His other option was to await death. He decided that this was the more preferable of the two choices. Finally giving him the peace he had longed for his entire life, if he was dead he wouldn't be worthless anymore> if he was dead he wouldn't be anything.  
He lay back against the side of his bed and waited. Waited to bleed out and finally lose consciousness.


	2. Awaiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DON'T SHOOT!!  
> I know that it's been an unreasonably long amount of time and 300 words is hardly sufficient in making up for that but I wanted to let you know that I haven't completely abandoned this story. Yet.

Tragedy, Jim thought, had never suited him. While it was true that one could not escape the theatrical sorrow that was his life, he was never one to attone to it. In truth, his childhood, while comparatively tragic, had never once given him the desire for pity. 

It had been a long day. They had once again narrowly avoided complete oblivion, no thanks to him obviously. As always, Scotty had stepped in with some batshit crazy idea that had miraculously worked at the last second. It was all very heroic. Jim sometimes wondered how he managed to make captain. 

He had been planning on spending the evening in his quarters. Reports to do, and all. The one thing that he managed to do worse than captaining was paperwork. A handicap that no doubt brought great inconveniences on the poor interns who had to do all his filing. 

Jim had just settled in with his PAD and some rather sludge like coffee when he realized he was missing Spock’s report. He thought it odd that the usually meticulous first officer was nearly twenty minutes late in submitting it. 

Sighing, Jim resigned himself to see what was taking Spock so long. 

The walk to his first officer’s quarters felt particularly tedious. He and Spock had been dancing around each other for the months following his foray into the land of the dead. It had left a significant rift in their relationship, neither one willing to admit that their regard for one another might run deeper than intended. 

Reaching the quarters, Jim rang the bell, and awaited response. A near minute passed before he rang again, and again. 

This was ridiculous “Computer locate Commander Spock”

“The Commander is in his quarters Captain.” 

Fed up, Jim took shot the door a forlorn glance then yelled “Alright Spock I’m coming in!” What followed was a rather anticlimactic beep, as Jim used his overide code. 

He was not even remotely prepared for what he would see.

**Author's Note:**

> This will be continued and Kirk/Spock will come into play within the next two chapters.  
> Feedback is always welcome :)


End file.
